Hi y’all! ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ
Welcome to Christian Girl Talks
I started this blog a few years ago, but dealt with a lot of writer’s block and what I would have to describe as spiritual warfare, so I also haven't posted here in a few years. I would have the desire to write, but it always felt like there was a literal physical barrier that wasn’t there.
Excuses aside, a lot has been happening (mentally, spiritually, and politically), and the word that has had such a strong presence is obedience. You may recall:
“And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.”
– 1 Samuel 15:22
I’ve had to acknowledge that I haven’t been obedient to what I believe God has called me to do in different areas of my life, for instance, maintaining CGT. Over the past few months, I’ve been dealing with so much frustration, and recently, it dawned on me that 🥁🥁🥁 it’s me, I am the problem. (°〇°) -(°ﾛ°)- (O_O)
Anyone see that coming?
I thought I was doing so well, and that everything that was happening to me was so unfair, and while I would pray and help others and see what they were seeking God for come to pass, I felt unheard and disrespected.
The truth was I was prideful and, in that pride, I thought that because of my works, I deserved something from God. My heart had secretly coveted having a “big” moment with God to give me a “grand” testimony. A “big” deliverance, a “big” breakthrough, a “big” blessing, something completely crazy and abstract. I had been so blinded by hoping for something “bigger” and “better” that I lost sight of what really mattered.
I haven’t been in a serious relationship, but I’m always observant of couples in person and online, trying to be ready if the Lord blesses me to be a good thing. One thing I notice most often is that everyone who posts lavish weddings, gifts, and excursions aren’t always happy when they get back home. Happiness and overall peace seem to come from having a deeper connection with someone where they can feel your love on a day-to-day basis. A cup of coffee made just the way they like, grabbing their bag from the car without them having to ask, sitting with them while they work on their hobby, trying to include them in your schedule are just a few examples I’ve seen that seem to make a great impact.
I believe all Christians should have a personal relationship with God. He is our heavenly Father, His Spirit lives inside of us, His Son Jesus died for us. Our relationship with God shouldn’t be like the one we have with our distant aunt. We shouldn’t just call on Him when we’re in trouble; we shouldn’t only visit His house on holidays, and when we serve Him, it shouldn’t just be for a social media post. Our relationship should be daily, hourly, minutely, secondly, even more so than our relationships with our closet friends, family, or partners. It’s worship in the morning, a prayer in the middle of the day, and Bible study in a parking lot. It’s acknowledging Him in all we do, because He loves us and we love Him. It’s seeking His kingdom and being still at times to hear His voice.
Now you may already know this, and still end up like I did, feeling lost, hurt, and disconnected from the most important part of your life. Maybe you feel that when you tried to give your best efforts, they weren't good enough, or they drained you more than they built you spiritually. Maybe you're at the crossroads where you know that your relationship with God, as it stands, is lukewarm, and you're at a crossroads of choosing to follow God or being deceived that what the world has to offer you would be so much better.
You know the truth, though, and your heart yearns to be reconnected with the Father. I was in the same place, and here's how God helped me through it. First, I acknowledged that the routines I did in the past felt good at first and made me feel like I was being a good Christian, but it would always lead me to feeling drained and reluctant to spend time with God which meant though I had good intentions, what I was doing in some way was not good (honestly I felt like I was bordering on Pharisee-like behavior). The reluctance turned into my time with God being when I made it to church, and in sporadic moments when I felt like it. This distance grew, and I put up walls around myself, which added to the disconnection I felt.
In the end, I recognized that the entire time I was going through this crisis, God was constant. He never changed; He was never petty with me for how I was acting. In fact, the ways He continued to protect me, provide for my needs, and show up in the lives around me were much more than I deserved. He was still righteously sitting on the throne, everything He spoke would still come to pass, and I could either repent or continue down the path of destruction I was on, which we all know where it leads.
Once I repented, I sought wisdom for what my routine should look like now, and believe that His direction for me is to keep it simple for now. Where did I start? By being a child essentially, going back to the basics I was raised with. On a summer day, we would do some kind of Bible study and prayer during the day, at night we would pray before going to bed, we had regular church night services along with Sunday morning, and when we had the opportunity, we’d go to the daytime services too.
I’m not overcomplicating reading my Bible. While I want to finish reading the Bible, at the end of the day, the goal is to read something; however the Holy Spirit leads me. Praying to God does not have to be a long, drawn-out affair as long as I am praying with a pure heart, and again, as the Holy Spirit leads me. My church has two services a week, unless there are special events, and while I can only make it to one right now because of my work schedule, it’s my top priority to be there. The rest I will leave up to the Lord to guide and direct me on as time goes on.
I hope this is blessing you as it is me. Usually, I start writing kind of knowing the direction I want to go in, and as I’m doing so, the Holy Spirit always comes in to reveal things to me as I am writing and works on my spirit a lot more than I anticipate.
I hope this is an encouragement to you, especially if you’ve been feeling like a lost sheep like I was. Remember, Jesus is the great Shepherd and shepherd are know for doing whatever it takes to protect their flock.
“Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” -Hebrews 13:20-21 KJV
If you're still worried or stuck, God is merciful and loving. Sometimes, all you must do is start speaking and everything else will begin to flow.
“The Lord is gracious, and full of compassion; slow to anger, and of great mercy.”
-Psalm 145:8 KJV
You are always in my prayers.
Write to you soon.
Sylvia ♡